Tuesday, May 20, 2008
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale: A Review Thereof: In Which I Comment On It
This has so many strikes against it. An Uwe Boll film. An Uwe Boll production. A 3.8 IMDB rating. A 2.5 hour running length (seemed actually to be about 2:15). An awkward colon-ized title. Based on a video game that actually had no strong characters or much plot at all. The main bad guys are Krug, who can't possibly not be green guys in toothy masks.
And yet . . . It wasn't so bad. I actually, on balance, enjoyed it a good deal. Sure, you cringe nearly every line Ray Liotta has. Who am I kidding? It's every single line Ray Liotta has. And you're like, what the hell is Burt Reynolds doing in this movie? But then you realize, hey, Burt's not that bad. Noble, even. And there are swingy elves, and ninja scout fighters. And you're like, hey, Matthew Lillard, he's, like, totally overdoing it. And then you're like, hey, that's not actually so bad; overdoing it almost works, in a Jack Sparrow way, but not as good.
The plot is kind of like a 14-year-old basement D&D game - way too many characters, and they don't resolve most of them, but there are some minor bits of foreshadowing, and it holds together if you're willing to be cool about it. It's a strange experience. There are parts that are terribly cool, and there are parts that the MST3K guys wouldn't even touch out of mercy.
The script is by turns achingly horrible and semi-inspiring. It's full - way full - of actual actors, even if they're all B-list. There are some major loose ends not tied up, like what the hell happened to one of the major characters, who's somehow just not seen after halfway through the movie. There are some nonsensical contractions of distance and time. The SFX are not horrid; at times they're even pretty cool, particularly the magic effects. The costumes are pretty awesome, except for Ray, who looks like he walked off the Rocky Horror set. It almost looks like he made his own clothes out of drapes. The battles, both the big ones and the smaller one-on-one duels, are quite well choreographed and shot; you get a sense of tactics on both sides, even though it's obvious that the numbers are far less than they want you to think.
I was trying to think what the parallel here was, and I think it's Krull. Cheesy, not too well acted, some great SFX, some horrible, and kinda fun in a don't get your expectations up way. I'd bump it up your list.
And yet . . . It wasn't so bad. I actually, on balance, enjoyed it a good deal. Sure, you cringe nearly every line Ray Liotta has. Who am I kidding? It's every single line Ray Liotta has. And you're like, what the hell is Burt Reynolds doing in this movie? But then you realize, hey, Burt's not that bad. Noble, even. And there are swingy elves, and ninja scout fighters. And you're like, hey, Matthew Lillard, he's, like, totally overdoing it. And then you're like, hey, that's not actually so bad; overdoing it almost works, in a Jack Sparrow way, but not as good.
The plot is kind of like a 14-year-old basement D&D game - way too many characters, and they don't resolve most of them, but there are some minor bits of foreshadowing, and it holds together if you're willing to be cool about it. It's a strange experience. There are parts that are terribly cool, and there are parts that the MST3K guys wouldn't even touch out of mercy.
The script is by turns achingly horrible and semi-inspiring. It's full - way full - of actual actors, even if they're all B-list. There are some major loose ends not tied up, like what the hell happened to one of the major characters, who's somehow just not seen after halfway through the movie. There are some nonsensical contractions of distance and time. The SFX are not horrid; at times they're even pretty cool, particularly the magic effects. The costumes are pretty awesome, except for Ray, who looks like he walked off the Rocky Horror set. It almost looks like he made his own clothes out of drapes. The battles, both the big ones and the smaller one-on-one duels, are quite well choreographed and shot; you get a sense of tactics on both sides, even though it's obvious that the numbers are far less than they want you to think.
I was trying to think what the parallel here was, and I think it's Krull. Cheesy, not too well acted, some great SFX, some horrible, and kinda fun in a don't get your expectations up way. I'd bump it up your list.
